There were many years when my life would be reeling out of control in many areas and a list would take to make me feel more calm and in control. Just making a list; even if i acted upon NOT ONE thing on it., would leave the impression that I have reeled it all in.

In the past year or so the list almost brought more stress…In fact a few weeks ago made a huge list. looked like shit: too many categories, random to do’s that dont have a category. It was kind of a WTF moment afterward because I didn’t FEEL better.

Now I’m thinking that after Dad’s death, Jay’s dad, C’s sister and friend, and others…maybe the magic of the list making keeping death at bay has worn off. Kind of liberating.

Of course the pressure our country is facing doesn’t help and, being in real estate, I hear so many personal stories of hardship and feel my charity is to be a good listener and to use my expertise to help people simplify their stress.

Don’t know how your blog sparked this direction from me but thank you for responding to my blog (Homeagentnh) and for sharing yours!

Stephanie Jacques

T. was looking at a piece of art for sale for $3400 in the coffee shop this weekend and said — in the context of a convo. we were overhearing there about a woman who doesn’t own a coffee machine but buys a Starbucks coffee 5x/day, every day — that in about half a year, if the woman stopped buying the coffee, she could own the painting, which would last her whole life. I responded that I would rather have the five cups of coffee each day, though “coffee” is a metaphor in my case for “moments of feeling I am getting a special treat.” For some people, owning that piece of art would give them that feeling as they look at it everyday; for me, I’d rather use the money to splurge on smaller things over time, and maybe a variety of things, like food, wine, a nice tea, a trip to an art gallery, a pretty book, flowers, nice socks, etc. Housewares and cosmetics don’t do it for me, and apparently neither does a piece of art, but other things that give me sensual pleasure, along with a feeling of novelty or happy surprise, do seem to smooth out the rough places. (Maybe they mimic the feeling of being completely and overwhelmingly loved?)

OTOH, I have so many of these luxuries already. I don’t lack for yummy food, good wine, beautiful things. But they don’t seem to be _enough_ except in the moment when I teeter between wanting them and having them. After I’ve ‘consumed’ the item, I’m left with a mixture of feelings: satisfaction, wishing the moment of consumption were still in the future, wishing I’d chosen something else that would have satisfied me even more, and always, eventually, a longing for more/other. Reminded as I have been most of my life of CS Lewis’s wise words: “Our best havings are wantings.”

With regard to self-sacrifice in face of violence to oneself – perhaps the difference between nonviolent resistance and nonresistance is relevant here. The latter would I think characterise inappropriate self-sacrifice whereas the former would refuse to continue the spiral of violence either through responding in kind or continuing unquestioningly to accept violation.

In the end I am concerned about the difference between religious language which reveals the social, political, inter-personal dynamics at work in a scenario and religious language that conceals these. I think much talk of sacrifice falls into the latter category.

I’m very grateful to have come across this post and comments. I’m currently reading / writing on sacrifice and am disturbed by how much unquestioned sacrificial rhetoric there is in our traditions and liturgies.