Conflict-Related Deep Thoughts

More from Jack Handey:

If you’re in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it’ll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

When I think of all the arguments Marta and I have had, I realize how silly most of them were. And it makes me wonder why she wanted to argue over such stupid things. I think I’ll go ask her.

If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that’s all I have to say.

And, sort of :

Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is capable of being a good camper. So, murder and camping are not as similar as you might think.

He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection. I guess that’s what I hated about him.

I read that when the archaeologists dug down into the ancient cemetery, they found fragments of human bones! What kind of barbarians were these people, anyway?

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