I saw this in June 2008 at Anesthesioboist and she apparently got the list from James Fowler’s book Stages of Faith: The Psychology of Human Development and the Quest for Meaning.
I wasn’t ready to respond to the queries then, but I’m going to take a shot at them now:
- What are you spending and being spent for? I can’t decide whether to respond to this in an abstract way or a very concrete way. In one sense, I feel I am being spent for nothing, and I am spending nothing, or everything, and it’s all connected to the everything and nothing that is. I can’t break it down further than that in words. In another sense, I spend a lot of energy and time on my dog, on absorbing sunlight and air and food and drink, on reading, on musing and wondering, on putting ideas and experiences and feelings and observations together and on taking them apart, on moving from moment to moment without really knowing.
- What commands and receives your best time, your best energy? The dog, books, my friends when I am with them face to face, my body when I am working out, my dream life when I sleep/wake.
- What causes, dreams, goals, or institutions are you pouring out your life for? I can’t think of institutions, causes or goals that I am living for. Even dreams. More like a vision, one I’ve spoken of here numerous times, of the completely gratuitous, prodigal embrace of the loving, forgiving victim. It’s not what I see in my life or in the world and yet it feels very close, possible, here.
- As you live your life, what power or powers do you fear or dread? I fear the power of death and grief to fascinate us and falsely ‘animate’ us. I fear envy, jealousy, hatred, resentment. I fear lack of compassion.
- What power or powers do you rely on and trust? I’m not sure I rely on or trust any power. I feel with my whole being that only love, forgiveness offered and received, is strong enough to sustain life.
- To what or whom are you committed in life and in death? The open-armed lover, the forgiving victim.
- With whom or what group do you share your most sacred private hopes for your life and for the lives of those you love? If anywhere explicitly, in the pod, but not much anywhere, explicitly. And I wouldn’t call them hopes, and I wouldn’t call them sacred.
- What are those most sacred hopes, those most compelling goals and purposes in your life? What I want is to be fully alive in each moment.
How would you respond to these questions?